Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Resolution to Myself

Graves’ Disease–an autoimmune disorder affecting the thyroid (which affects metabolism, blood pressure, appetite, and energy levels) has pushed me to my limits in the past year. Each time I think I’m really making progress–that the worst might finally be over–it seems to come back to remind me that I’m really not in control of any of this.

Control. I used to have it, or at least I thought I did. I relished it. I was the queen of my own little world and I was productive. Oh was I productive. Hyperactive little me could accomplish so much in a day, a week, a month… Now I’m lucky if I can stay awake long enough to say that I remember that day, week, month…

The truth I know too clearly: I never really had control. The body doesn’t work like that. We can’t twist and turn it to do our will. It’s an intricate system–a resilient one, thank goodness, but if we push it too hard, for too long, it’s bound to get broken. That’s just what mine did.

Every experience in life is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. I have always known the value of simply being rather than doing, but rarely have I given myself time to be. If there’s one thing I can take away from my struggles with Graves’ Disease, it is this lesson.

So here’s my resolution to myself–the anti-American dream and a promise I should have made to myself a long time ago:
  1. When I am able, I will work.
  2. When I am tired, I will rest.
  3. I will base my self-worth on who on am, not on what I accomplish.
A simple list with three simple rules. Could you do it?

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